My Experiences With Planned Parenthood

When I was in high school, Planned Parenthood was depicted in my social circle to be this horrific abortion factory that took great joy in killing sad babies. I wasn't even aware that they did anything other than provide abortions. Say what you will about that, but the day I learned Planned Parenthood was a real, sex-positive, women's health clinic that also provides abortions (just like hospitals do), it was like my world imploded. You mean Planned Parenthood actually cares about women?! No way bro.

I didn't really think about it after that though, at least not in terms of a clinic that was accessible to me. To me, it was something for women that are less fortunate than I, something that I needed to care about because it's good for people in this world. So it was a real thing and a good thing to me, but I never thought about it as a place for me.

Well, not until recently. I'm not in a different position than I was two years ago when I started using birth control. I still have Daddy's health insurance, I still have a wonderful mom who recognized that her daughter couldn't go to school because her periods were too bad, and that birth control would make that better. I'm still having safe, consensual, educated sex in a safe, loving, monogamous relationship. And no, I didn't get "knocked up." I just needed to refill my birth control prescription.

The gynecologist I talked to in back when I was 17 and considered birth control for the first time is difficult to get ahold of, to say the least. My first appointment with her had to be scheduled a month in advance, my second three months. This time around I just didn't have time for that, especially not when I spend most of my time in Boston. I don't know where I'll be or what my commitments will be in three months. And I had been told that the doctors at Planned Parenthood are very good and that if I use my insurance, that will actually help them in terms of funding instead of taking up their time and resources. So I booked and appointment and I scooted off.

The place was actually pretty easy to find. Maybe it's because it's in a big, liberal city where its right to be there isn't questioned; maybe it's just like that all over the country. But the sign was visible and it was close to the subway station. I didn't confront any protestors, although I didn't really expect to. Who would be out on a Wednesday afternoon to hold up signs displaying medically inaccurate facts? Wait, don't answer that. I don't want to know.

Anyway, the part that was a little weird for me, and probably the only place that reminded me that this was Planned Parenthood and not my local doctor's office was the security guard and the metal detector. The security guard was very pleasant and we actually made idle conversation while he searched through my too-heavy backpack for a weapon of violent protest. Realizing why that had to be in place was surreal, and made me wonder why people could do things that would necessitate this metal detector and friendly officer in the name of "life." Seems contradictory to me. But at any rate, I checked out, he handed me my things, and thanked me.

Then there was paperwork. Of course there was paperwork, there always is. But the questions seemed different. I was not only asked about my medical history and the medical history of my parents, but the forms asked me things about feeling safe in my relationship, whether I felt depressed or anxious, and what orifice I had last stuck a penis in. Reading some of the questions regarding my sexual history made me feel woefully inexperienced and unadventurous between the sheets. I guess there are worse things to worry about, though.

The doctor herself was nothing short of lovely. She looked like a regular woman; I didn't see any horns or hellfire. She was actually quite pretty. She asked me a couple questions about my relationship and was happy to hear I've found a good one and stuck with him. She sent a year's prescription to my local pharmacy, since my brand isn't stocked at Planned Parenthood right now, and explained how billing and picking up my prescription would work. I mentioned that I'm considering a hormonal IUD, and she gave me the details on that and what to expect should I decide to get one, as well as the benefits and effectiveness. She was actually very informative; I thought she was significantly more informative and approachable than any doctor I've ever talked to. It seemed like she cared as much about my health and well-being as I do. There was no finger-waggling about my being young and sexually active, there was no nagging about my weight, and there was no false information about how an IUD will make me sterile (which I have been told before. It's not true.).

All in all, it was basically going to the doctor's. The doctor was very nice and the metal detector was weird, but it was just a medical clinic. Hell didn't open up and eat me, angels didn't cry, and my unfertilized eggs didn't weep for their impure carrier.

So tell me again: what's the big fucking deal?

Late night ramblings

I don't know. It's 11:30 and I didn't sleep enough last night. My shoulders sting from sunburn and my eyes are tired. I should be asleep. But I'm not! Ha! Take that!

I just have a lot on my mind. Well, it's really just one thing: school. You see, halfway through the summer I decided that instead of going into sociology, as much as I enjoy the subject, what I really want to do with my life is become a veterinarian. This will involve a huge shift. A shift from my thoughtful liberal arts courses filled with discussion and moderate reading to a very science centric course of studies. After all, I'm basically looking to go to med school, but with animals. I know already these courses will be rigorous and require time and stone cold memorization. While I can learn that way, it's a change. A big change.

And I know I'm not dumb. I know I can do science. I did it in high school quite well. My Biology teachers were actually disappointed that the school was unwilling to move me up to honors Biology. It's a subject that I enjoy too these days; I spent a lot of high school believing that science was interfering with God's work and not to be trusted. My attitude about the universe has changed since then. I've moved away from belief in spirituality, and I'm beginning to realize that the process of learning about the way our word works and the way organisms interact and adapt to it is, to put it bluntly, fucking cool.

But that doesn't change the fact that it's been a long time since I've had to work this hard. It's been a long time since I've experienced this much change. I've changed a lot over the past year, and I'm excited about the person I'm becoming and the experiences I'm having, but that doesn't stop me from being terrified. It doesn't erase the lifetime of people telling me that being a vet is hard, science is hard, you're just not good at this stuff. It doesn't erase the genuine shock that people show when I tell them that I'm studying Biology. I don't know if the shock is because I'm a woman or because I just don't seem like the type. It could be both. Either way I don't appreciate it; it only makes me doubt myself a little more.

And that's half the problem. I can't stop doubting myself. What if I can't do math? What if my GPA drops? What if I can't even get into vet school? What if I do well, get into vet school, complete that degree, and then I can't find a fucking job? Not to mention all my other concerns about life, like how I'm going to afford my books, my car, my birth control, my tuition, my student loans, my clothes, my everything else. It's all in the back of my head. All the time. I think too much and then I get scared.

At least my parents and boyfriend are supportive of me. I know nobody really reads this, I just need to get it out there. Maybe if I can get the thoughts out of my head I can relax a little before school starts. Wish me luck.

Why the hate?

I've been seeing a lot of Planned Parenthood hate as of late (haha, that rhymed). Mostly from the pro-life camp, and while I understand the beef, I think it's a tad extreme to say that PP should be closed, lose their funding, stuff like that. And no, this isn't an abortion debate, because that ship has sailed and I don't think the legality of it is going anywhere. Pointless to argue.

Let me say something about myself before I dive into this. I'm INCREDIBLY lucky in many respects. I have an understanding mother who helped me find a gynecologist, use her insurance, and learn about contraceptives without questioning my motives. She's a great mom in that respect. I also have a great boyfriend who respects my worries about pregnancy and even shares them. Thanks to these great people, and thanks to my dad who's awesome at ignoring everything woman-related, I actually have proper access to birth control and health care. I know where babies come from and I know how to not have one. I'm comfortable enough with sex that I can talk to my boyfriend about sex-related things. I'm not really ashamed of it so I'm able to ask my doctor questions. I have, in most respects, de-stigmatized sex and contraception for myself, which, considering my early adolescence, is amazing in itself.

But I also know all too well how unusual my case is. Most women in my age range are ashamed of their bodies, ashamed of sex, have restrictive parents, or don't have the insurance they need for health care and birth control. Let me tell you something. Say what you will about Planned Parenthood, but they are the reason these girls can be healthy. Because, let's face it. Sex is great. Just about everyone wants to have sex, and most people will have sex before they turn 20, no matter how much anyone tries to stop them. But sex also comes with inherent risks, as do most things. The trick it, however, to know what these risks are, and to have a way to deal with them. THAT'S what makes sex safe. The reason I support the existence of Planned Parenthood is that it knows that, and it knows that there's nothing wrong with having sex, and that everyone should have access to proper care.

I've heard it curtails laws, but when you're in southern Texas, want to sleep with your sweet, caring boyfriend, and don't want to get knocked up, the law shouldn't prohibit that in the first place. If a prostitute doesn't want to contract an STD, she shouldn't have to just for being a prostitute. Prostitution shouldn't even be illegal, but that's a story for another day. The law has made it so PP HAS to sneak around it in order to get women the care they need. And that's sad, in my opinion.

So say what you will about Planned Parenthood's practices, but the fact is that they're a godsend to women all over the country. I think sexual health is a double-edged sword for women; people seem to want to make it so that women don't have access to knowledge about sex or contraceptives, and then they want to make it difficult for women to get the help they need when they run into problems because of that. I think it's unfortunate, and I think that sex and sexual health need to have their stigma removed so that women can lead healthy lives. Planned Parenthood really is the first step in that, and for that I say, DON'T FUCK IT UP AMERICA.

Thoughts on the new Catwoman because everything's been said about the other titles I've read

After hearing all the uproar about the objectification of Catwoman in the new 52, I finally got around to picking it up and reading it myself recently. I was expecting to be offended. I thought it was going to be beyond even the limits of our favorite sexy villain.

But really, it wasn't that bad. I mean, yes, there was a lot of sexy and a lot of T&A, but remember who we're talking about. I mean, she practically INVENTED the catsuit. She's always been sexy and she's always been there to try and seduce Batman. I expect sexiness from Catwoman and even look forward to it. I expect her to use her sex appeal and to show us some titties. In the past they've done a decent job as passing her off as more than a pair of tits at least some of the time, but she's still the hot one. She used her sex appeal for her own gain as she always does in the comic. And yeah some of it was pretty gratuitous, but she's always been the sexy character in the Batman universe. That's to be expected. I don't see what the big issue was.

The one thing that did get to me, though, was the sex scene between Catwoman and Batman. I'm not upset that they hooked up. Of COURSE they hooked up. It just felt rushed. Like, hello Batman, I kiss you, and now we screw. I think it was supposed to convey how isolated she feels because she's always on the run, and how she's trying to fill that void with the sex between them. It seemed very emotionless, which is why I got that impression. I just wished they had built up to it a little more.

And that brings me to my complaint of the overall first volume. It felt like patchwork. It jumped from one scene to the next and didn't dwell on a single conflict for too long. I felt like I wasn't really sure what was happening or how it all fit together. I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and assume that it's because it's the first volume, but the other comics form the new 52 that I've read felt much more connected and flowed much better. I also started off with some of the strongest titles (Batwoman <33333), so my expectations may have been somewhat high. It wasn't so bad that I'm not going to get the second volume to see how it progresses, but it's not my favorite so far. I would still recommend it to fans of Catwoman and the Gotham universe in general.

Girls in gaming and why I hate male-oriented games.

This is going to be a bit serious, but let me say my piece. I've been playing around on the lovely webcomic artist Megan Rose Gedris's tumblr (rosalarian, for those of you who care), and I've noticed she says a lot about the sexualization of women in classic superhero comics. I have the same hang up, only in video games. I play video games, but I wouldn't call myself a huge gamer nerd. I'm more of a casual gamer who hasn't graduated from a Wii, and I don't intend to. I like my kid-friendly platformers and my Kirby and my Pikmin. I like things like Epic Mickey and The Legend of Zelda and Super Smash Bros. Not that I'm any good at them, but I like them.

One of the reasons I like my kid friendly Nintendo games so much is because they're not softcore porn!

Now, I'm not saying that I'm a homophobe, get disgusted when I see cleavage, whatever. I don't really care about that stuff. But when I look at games like Dead or Alive and Tomb Raider (off the top of my head), I see that they blatantly and unnecessarily sexualize women who have no place in being treated like a pair of tits. I mean, when you have a company that is known for the profuse jiggling of its female characters' porn star boobs, you know there's a problem here. Is this really necessary? They're alienating an entire demographic of female gamers who ask for respect, and they don't get that much.

Let's take Dead or Alive for example. I recently got the new 3DS title, and I've honestly adored it. The controls are simple and it's fun to play as the different characters. As a game, I adore it. But the way they regard women in that series is just awful. Every single female I've played as has an unlockable playboy kitty costume, and Kasumi is crotch-shot central, not to mention her shameless cleavage. Tina has an unlockable costume that is little more than a bikini top and a cowboy hat, and her regular outfit is just a leotard and a jacket. Hitomi, my favorite character to play as, has this absolutely silly German beer girl alternate outfit that I think is supposed to be cute or sexy but it looks plain silly, especially for a martial artist. It's blatantly pandering to the male gaming community and it makes me feel very disrespected as a female.

And that's another thing. The male gaming community. I'm lucky enough to have found a boyfriend who both loves video games and has a lot of respect for women. I'm lucky because from what I've seen, male gamers have an extreme affinity for boobs and have strict requirements of how sexy their gamer ladies should be, despite the fact that I don't think that many of them have seen a real girl naked in their bedroom. At E3 and other gaming conferences/conventions, I've actually seen advertisement in the form of porn star-esque ladies running around in barely anything more than a bikini and maybe some leg warmers advertising whatever it is they were asked to promote. I find it honestly disgusting that this kind of thing has become commonplace in the gaming community. And then boys try to justify it by telling me that I'd rather see a good looking girl than an ugly mofo. Yes, it's true that I'd rather look at an attractive lady. I like ladies too. But my sexual preferences don't negate my ability to respect myself and other women. If men have a right to be respected in mainstream media, then I think I should be able to say that women deserve that same right.

And here's a hint, boys: the less you treat a lady like a pair of tits, the more likely you are to see her naked in your bedroom. Just remember that next time you want to get your nerd creep on.

And people wonder why I'm such a cynic

Being a teenage girl fresh out of high school, it can be assumed that yes, I have worked in retail. Not just any retail, though, no no. I worked in the very pit of that which was retail. I worked in the retail that was only topped in its shittyness by working in a gas station.

I worked in grocery.

Now, not to say that ALL grocery stores are bad places. I've actually been to some very pleasant grocery stores in my day. But from the ages of 15 to 18, I worked in a discount grocery store called Market Basket. It's basically the Massachusetts/New Hampshire version of Wal-Mart that only sells food and cheap kitty litter. People came from miles around just because "You can't beat the prices!" They could have gone to their local Wal-Mart for the same experience, but who was I to argue? That just goes to show how bizarre these people were.

I saw some strange things in this store that I will discuss from time to time, but the one that can best illustrate the kind of people I had to deal with on a daily basis is the story I am about to tell you now.

It was a Saturday morning, and I had not woken up in time to be able to take my morning shower (gross), and I was feeling a bit ill that day. I was in no mood to be dealing with rude people, but they were there anyway. I was working at one of the last registers, which are the registers that people go to when they buy a lot of food and can't be bothered to walk about 5 yards to find an empty register, and would rather wait behind 4 other people with a lot of food and blame me for it. So I was pretty miffed already. I was peacefully enjoying my disdain for the specimens that I had to deal with when my thoughts were interrupted by the unmistakable voice of angry white trash. Oh good god.

The girl was white, skinny, slutty, and greasy. She was also not happy. She was next in line, so I finished up the order and she was still blabbing angrily. That's when I made the mistake of asking "Good morning, how are you?"

That was when she launched into me. She started screaming at me, then had the audacity to put her flip-flopped toe on the conveyor belt. I don't like feet much as it is, but her big toe was especially nasty. It was wrapped in bloody bandaging. I had no idea why. I didn't want to know.

But I guess she wanted me to know quite badly, because she screamed "LOOK WHAT YOUR CARRIAGE DID TO MY TOE." She continued to scream for a bit, to which I had no response for. How was it my carriage? I was 16, earned minimum wage, and worked a maximum of 10 hours per week. I didn't quite understand how it was my carriage, and I certainly didn't understand why she blamed me or the carriage for the affair. Shouldn't she be blaming the dumbass who drove the carriage over her foot or her toe for being so vulnerable? And besides, what was I supposed to do about it? Was she going to sue me for the $2 it took to bandage her foot? Was I supposed to call management for a written apology? Was I supposed to beg her forgiveness at the white trash shrine up the street?

Overall, I was perplexed, sleepy, sick, and annoyed, and the best I could do is mumble an "I'm sorry" and ask how she was going to pay.

As my parents told me, this is why I'm going to college.

The Night I Thought Zombies Were Real

About a year ago, I was friends with a very, very paranoid girl named Ashley. This was the kind of girl who thought that every man who likes boobies likes rape and was scared when we left our door unlocked at 10am. Needless to say, tricking her was very easy, and the reaction was always more severe than you could hope for. 

Couple this with the Swine Flu outbreak, and you've got hilarity.

My fondest memory with Ashley was one night when she was sleeping over in the midst of the Swine Flu scare. She had let everyone make her good and terrified of Swine Flu to the point where she thought she, a perfectly healthy teenage girl, could die from it. She and my boyfriend were over at the time that a good friend of ours , Jasmine, sent us a link to a joke article about a fake string of H1N1 called N1Z1. I haven't been able to find the article (I think it was deleted), but it was basically about a string of H1N1 that temporarily reanimated the people that died from the disease, making them extremely violent and dangerous for a couple hours, after which they died for good. In hindsight, there should have been no conceivable way we could have believed it, but I'm a very gullible person and my boyfriend wanted it to be real so badly. He and I both thought "Whatever, it's not like they last for very long. I hope they put videos online!" and actually kind of enjoyed how bizarre it was.

Ashley however, freaked the fuck out. She thought that this was the beginning of the end of the world that the Bible had predicted (she's very religious). She cried and talked to her mother on the phone for hours while my sister comforted her over it. She thought we were all going to die and that the world was going to be engulfed in fiery death. She notified Jasmine about our impending doom, to which Jasmine replied:

"Wait, you guys actually thought that was true?"

This was the moment where it dawned upon us: The article was fake. N1Z1 was fake. The URL started with "bounce with me." The boyfriend met this with mild disappointment, I was indifferent, and Ashley was absolutely enraged. She had been duped, lied to, tricked, the whole nine yards. She had made a fool of herself and as far as she was concerned, we had no reason to believe that it was fake, and Jasmine was a very cruel person for not clarifying this. She had committed a great sin. 

And then a half a year later she decided to hate both me and Jasmine and hasn't spoken a word of kindness to either of us since. But that's a story for another day!